"Unlimited"? Sign me up

www.awkwardsilence.com

   It has always amused me in this country how, if something is deficient or problematic, that the solution always seems to end up being 'more' of whatever.
   Years ago I was in a Frisch's restaurant taking in a breakfast buffet when I noticed the sausage gravy tasted as though someone had dumped an ashtray into the mix. When I informed a waitress of the situation she replied, "Oh, well, we're about to bring out some more in a minute." More lousy food is not the solution.
   This concept, of course, was captured in the movie Annie Hall, where Woody Allen recounts one of his favorite jokes: Two women are sitting in a Catskill resort having lunch and the first one says, "The food here is terrible." The second one responds with, "I know, and such small portions."
   So it was no surprise, really, when wireless companies reacted to the wails from shell-shocked parents regarding their little heathens running up ginormous phone bills by offering 'unlimited' calling schemes.
   From a marketing viewpoint the worst thing the companies wanted was to lose customers. Armed with the knowledge that American parents are loathe to rein in their children's' bad habits, cell phone purveyors gradually went to extended plans and finally "unlimited" plans to squelch any further protestations.
   Is it me or is there something wrong with handing an adolescent a cell phone that has "unlimited" minutes?
  When have the words "children" and "unlimited" ever amounted to a positive outcome?
   And let's not let scientific study get in the way of the temporary mollification of kids as long as 'more is better' in this country everybody feels they are getting a deal.

Reach out and punch someone

www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov

   Let's face it, the sight of young girls viciously fighting in the USA is a disturbing trend.
   While there is greater emphasis on our young women learning how to compete both in the classroom and on the playing field it is natural that there will be some conflict, hurt feelings and bodily injury.
   It comes with the territory and if we are going to take our girls more seriously it's also time to minimize the princess factor and stress the Xena persona — smart, fit and fearless.
   So I was torn a bit recently when the cable channels start showing us video of two girls fighting and you can hear the voice of one soccer mom cheering her daughter on during the fisticuffs.
   Shocking, I know. But what is thrown in at the end of the reports that I saw was that the girl in question had been the target of cyber bullying and the fight was in response to that incident.
   It's a tough call, but certainly our daughter will be taking self-defense training as well as dance classes as she grows up.
   To me, cyber bullying is the worst of the worst: it is done privately, anonymously and carried out by absolute cowards who deserve the full prosecution of the law.
   One group, Common Sense Media, is leading the charge to eradicate cyber bullying [good luck with that], offering tips and strategies to help your kids fight this seemingly prevalent form of intimidation.

Licensed to lie, shame on you Dora

Photo by Max Zimmerman

   Okay, so far I cannot find anything negative written about Viacom International Toys, so buckle up.
   One would think that such a perceived reputable company would not produce absolute crap, but you would be wrong.
   Adding to the deception is none other than Nick, Jr., and the marketing gurus for Dora the Explorer.
   You see my daughter’s uncle so kindly purchased a set of Dora Walkie Talkies as a gift.
   Thrilled by the idea of chatting on a device endorsed by one of her favorite characters, we immediately opened the present, fed it the necessary batteries and were promptly rewarded with high-pitched, grating static.
   Odd, it seemed, but after careful inspection of the packaging I came to realize that my brother-in-law had unwittingly purchased an absolute piece of crapola.

Photo by Max Zimmerman

   If you cannot read the disclaimer to the right (which you cannot access until you open the package and look at the back of the walkie talkie) here it is:
   This device complies with part 15 of FCC Rules Operation is subject to the following two condition:[sic]
(1) this device may not cause harmful interference and (2) this deice must accept any interference received, including interference that may cause undesired operation.
   So, what this means is that this device will not work unless you are at either the North Pole or the South Pole {and maybe not even there either} because the device will receive any frequency floating through the air. So when you press the button to operate, out comes screeching, unintelligible static.
   Dora's Walkie Talkies DO NOT WORK; do not waste your money on it: Viacom is running a scam.

'Nothing's better than a letter'

WordWorld characters        www.pbs.org

   While there are a number of programs for kids devoted to learning, and a plethora created to entertain; there isn't one that offers the supreme combination of both aspects other than WordWorld on PBS.
   My now 4-year-old daughter has been demanding the animated classic for about six months and since then the little squealer's spelling and cognitive skills have blossomed.
   WordWorld teaches children (or adults learning the English language) how to spell words by using various approaches, including the pronunciation of letter combinations and vivid visualization. Equally important, it develops problem-solving skills by simply adding a letter here or there.
   In one episode, duck fills in for the mailman and is tasked with delivering three 'letters' to three eager recipients. Each character already has the same sequence of the letters: 'ail'.
   However duck — in his exuberant dimness — delivers an 'n,' an 's,' and a 'p' to the wrong addresses. Hilarity ensues. Bear needs the 's' to make a sail; frog needs an 'n' to create a nail; and sheep is desperate for a 'p' to make a pail.
   Another episode focuses on the 'st' combination to make 'stairs' in order to get onto a 'stage,' etc.
   While difficult to explain here, take a look at the attached photo and you can get the gist of what makes WordWorld so special: the letters are formed into an artistic rendering of the character, reinforcing the inherent importance of the letters. It's brilliant.
   It is the most entertaining format for learning I have found on TV and it underscores what Ni Hao Kai Lan, Dora the Explorer and Go!, Diego, Go! are missing: if you want to teach words — especially foreign words — you need to show the words; display the letters of the words, including accentuation and 'stress' effects, in order to deliver the maximum benefit. Think of how many adults might start watching these shows if they knew they could actually learn the words.

Thanks dad (and mom) for everything

design: skz    photo: maz

   When I was born (not in the US) my dad was a spy at the time (I'm told) and therefore he couldn't talk at all about his job.
   We didn't talk as much as we should have, fathers and sons are known for that, but because he served as a spy and such, we talked even less (except about sports). "My dad works on the base," was our family's given response. So I didn't grow up yearning to do what my dad did, because I didn't know what that was. I'm not complaining, but it certainly was a factor that inhibited a closeness to my dad during my youngest years.
  The older I have grown the more grateful I am each day to have had a dad — he was and still is — my hero. I learned more things about plumbing and mechanics and baseball and gardening and roofing and geopolitics than many a dude.
   For this I acquired my sense of right and wrong, or fairness, of hard work, of honor and patriotism.
   I could not have 'done it' without him; that is, I could not have survived the travails and setbacks without him.
   From my mother, she instilled me with the realities of hope and faith: two crucial rails to guide me when all seemed hopeless during my darker days.
   Now they are both gone, buried together in Arlington National Cemetery.
   Now I have no living heroes but realize, with a 4-year-old daughter, that I carry that responsibility of 'hero,' that I have to guide her; to allow her to make her own mistakes; to allow her to try new things; to (safely) test limits — they will become the basis of her understanding. (I wish the hell she would eat more, but I guess she takes after her dad.)
    The biggest mistake I ever made was not listening to my father; was not understanding when my mother told me to "slow down and smell the roses."
   My only hope is to establish that deep connection where my little one can tell me what her dreams are, what her fears are, what holds her back, what keeps her from reaching as high as she can. That work is up to me.
   I am so fortunate to be a dad.

She's all 'four' it

Photo from Catholic Answers Forum

  This morning when I went in to wake my daughter for school, she quickly shook off the awakening, looked at me and said, "What?"
  Not "What?" as in "What's going on?" or "What are we going to do today?" The intonation was more like, "What are you lookin' at, bud?"
   Ah, and she's just turned four (and yet can summon the attitude of a woman who's 24).
   Later in the morning, as fierce storms made driving her to school too dicey for her psyche [it was a terrific storm] I said to her, "Maybe this afternoon I'll take you to see the [preschool] Catholics."
  To which she laughingly responded, "No, dad, you mean catfish."
   Again, she's just turned four and yet the flashes of humor and observation reveal her unique take on how things work.
  As I'm sure every parent who's raised a 4-year-old child will tell you {and I am learning}, along with the cuteness and charm comes tantrums and rebellion and the attempts to work one parent off the other.
   I suppose it's a testament to the child's intelligence that she can find the fissures in what momma says [and allows] and what daddy says [and allows] and tries to work the inconsistencies to her advantage — it's only natural, I'm thinking.
   Clear communication can be tough enough in marriage. Add a child or two to the mix and I'm learning that repeated communication and boundary-setting are crucial to keeping the kid between the lines. Being on the same page can be difficult.
   It's examples like the one above which give me pause that I have only one child to keep track of — I cannot image trying to raise twins (or triplets!!) or being a single parent and having to do everything plus have the energy and enthusiasm for quality time with the light of your life.

The fraudulence of the Fresh Beats

nickjr.com

   First of all, the former Jumparounds aren't singing but lip-syncing their songs, however in the corporate manufacture of Ashlee Simpson and Britney Spears, who cares? Especially when you are dealing with small children, who cares how authentic the content is because it's all about presentation.
   Second, before they were foisted on us with a regular time slot, they were called The Jumparounds doing links between regularly scheduled programming prior to the inexplicable name change to The Fresh Beat Band. What changed? Did they fire their manager? Convert to Scientology? It's the same four kids; it's the exact same video footage and songs, they simply changed the name.
   Third, now they're billing this hobbled-together mish-mash of skits as a "hit show." Exactly how is that determined? A massive email and texting campaign from vacuous 4-year-olds? No, it's just some trumped up copy used to shill their stupid songs on iTunes.
   What we are witnessing is the creation of something out of nothing — what Hollywood does best. You take a black, a purported Hispanic and a couple of white kids — two boys, two girls — and market them as some type of musical geniuses.
   Each show barely differs from the previous one as the 'Freshbeats' recycle a half dozen songs through flimsy plots and even flimsier transitions.
   Of course our now 4-year-old daughter eats this up and it is the musical part she enjoys the most; I've yet to hear her talk about the individual characters of the show.
   That's just fine in my book. Hopefully she'll outgrow this infatuation as we continue to feed her different types of music and fend off the ubiquitous promos that pop up on Nick Jr.
   But while the show may have appeal to the little ones, its educational value is nearly zilch.