She's all 'four' it

Photo from Catholic Answers Forum

  This morning when I went in to wake my daughter for school, she quickly shook off the awakening, looked at me and said, "What?"
  Not "What?" as in "What's going on?" or "What are we going to do today?" The intonation was more like, "What are you lookin' at, bud?"
   Ah, and she's just turned four (and yet can summon the attitude of a woman who's 24).
   Later in the morning, as fierce storms made driving her to school too dicey for her psyche [it was a terrific storm] I said to her, "Maybe this afternoon I'll take you to see the [preschool] Catholics."
  To which she laughingly responded, "No, dad, you mean catfish."
   Again, she's just turned four and yet the flashes of humor and observation reveal her unique take on how things work.
  As I'm sure every parent who's raised a 4-year-old child will tell you {and I am learning}, along with the cuteness and charm comes tantrums and rebellion and the attempts to work one parent off the other.
   I suppose it's a testament to the child's intelligence that she can find the fissures in what momma says [and allows] and what daddy says [and allows] and tries to work the inconsistencies to her advantage — it's only natural, I'm thinking.
   Clear communication can be tough enough in marriage. Add a child or two to the mix and I'm learning that repeated communication and boundary-setting are crucial to keeping the kid between the lines. Being on the same page can be difficult.
   It's examples like the one above which give me pause that I have only one child to keep track of — I cannot image trying to raise twins (or triplets!!) or being a single parent and having to do everything plus have the energy and enthusiasm for quality time with the light of your life.

The fraudulence of the Fresh Beats

nickjr.com

   First of all, the former Jumparounds aren't singing but lip-syncing their songs, however in the corporate manufacture of Ashlee Simpson and Britney Spears, who cares? Especially when you are dealing with small children, who cares how authentic the content is because it's all about presentation.
   Second, before they were foisted on us with a regular time slot, they were called The Jumparounds doing links between regularly scheduled programming prior to the inexplicable name change to The Fresh Beat Band. What changed? Did they fire their manager? Convert to Scientology? It's the same four kids; it's the exact same video footage and songs, they simply changed the name.
   Third, now they're billing this hobbled-together mish-mash of skits as a "hit show." Exactly how is that determined? A massive email and texting campaign from vacuous 4-year-olds? No, it's just some trumped up copy used to shill their stupid songs on iTunes.
   What we are witnessing is the creation of something out of nothing — what Hollywood does best. You take a black, a purported Hispanic and a couple of white kids — two boys, two girls — and market them as some type of musical geniuses.
   Each show barely differs from the previous one as the 'Freshbeats' recycle a half dozen songs through flimsy plots and even flimsier transitions.
   Of course our now 4-year-old daughter eats this up and it is the musical part she enjoys the most; I've yet to hear her talk about the individual characters of the show.
   That's just fine in my book. Hopefully she'll outgrow this infatuation as we continue to feed her different types of music and fend off the ubiquitous promos that pop up on Nick Jr.
   But while the show may have appeal to the little ones, its educational value is nearly zilch.

So you wanna be a dad?

Photo by Khairul Azfar Ahmad
thepatahtumbuh.blogspot.co  

   For those about to conceive you gotta ask yourself: Do I have enough time now to do what I want?
  Whatever it is that you've always enjoyed, you may never return to it because your days will become ruled by what needs to be done and what has to be done which are both quickly trumped by what must be done (attending to: screeching for no apparent reason; relentless teething angst; potty issues; bath/no bath debates; a vomiting episode here and there; etc.).
  So what daddyhood will demand from you is a whole new relationship with time.
  When you're single you have the greatest ability to master your world of time — whether to use it wisely or not, it's your choice; to linger or to fly; to spend it in solitude; huddle with a friend; or go brush up against the populous — time was yours, all yours, with the exception of your commitments to school or work.
  That ends when you enter daddyhood.
   Fighting for 'old time' can be a vainglorious effort as both mother and daughter need attention (especially when each of them is calling you from a different room).
  No; your time is given to this tiny creature — this new half of you. It seems the child determines what your schedule is and when 'your time' will be allotted. That time will be known to you as 'nap' time or 'collapse into bed' time.
   But while you may be sleep deprived for a few years, there's no greater joy or honor than to be called "daddy." There is no greater 'time' than that spent with your child. It's amazing, challenging, joyous, frustrating, awe-inspiring and frightening. It's no wonder sleep gets compromised, just don't say I didn't warn you.

'The princess and the pea-brain'

strangecosmos.com

   Much to my horror I was recently introduced to the "classic" fairy tale, "The Princess and the Pea," and I am nearly apoplectic.
   The premise of the tale is that men, or should I say princes, desire a woman that is soooo sensitive that she can have her evening's sleep ruined by a single pea buried 20 mattresses deep. Only a "true" princess is able to sense discomfort at that level because she has such sensitive skin. This is a somehow considered a virtue.
   This pearl of wisdom is deftly hidden by two other virtues mentioned in the story such as politeness to one and all and kindness to rich and poor.
   But the story is not entitled, The Princes and Her Good Nature, no, the true test of her princess-worthiness was her keen grasp of a tiny vegetable* and bedding.
   And the prince {sheesh} is (s)mothered to death by the overbearing queen and apparently unable to think for himself, so this pusillanimous ponce actually buys into the principle that an untalented, hypersensitive female is the most desired creature on Earth and to have her will make him complete ... as in complete idiot.
   I've always had trouble with "happily ever after" scenarios as I believe they set up children to be disappointed once they become adults.
   Much better to have the crap scared out of them by a gnarly old witch who will stuff them into an oven if they don't stay on the path. It's far more realistic and if it doesn't occur in the child's life she can always consider herself fortunate and happy just to be alive.

* my wife advises me that a pea is a legume and not a vegetable

More spoiled brats, please

Verizon wireless propaganda

  Verizon is stalking our daughters.
   I don't think that makes them sex offenders, per se, but their message to girls is at least emotionally obscene.
   It's bad enough that the telecom giant accosts adults with mailers, inserts, commercials, phone calls and even door-to-door harassment, but their latest brainwashing foray targets teen and {cringe} pre-teen girls in a manner I find upsetting.
   These filthy fascists are pushing the "princess" theme hard while serving up "envy" as a virtue — like it's something worth striving for.
   The premise Verizon is dangling in front of our daughters is that a primal need of any red-blooded American girl is to make her friends feel "less than" so she can feel "more than" (perpetuating the whole self-esteem horror). Your friends will envy what you have and view you as some kind of royalty.
   Here is the text that accompanies a photo (above) of Verizon's 2011 version of that precious girl next door:
   GET EVERYTHING WIRELESS.
   BE THE ENVY OF EVERYONE.
   Elevate your lifestyle with wireless devices that put you on a digital pedestal. Choose from the best cutting-edge smartphones and tablets out there. And, with everything wireless on the network that has everything to offer, connect at the speeds your digital majesty deserves.
   Allow me to revisit the above:
   GET EVERYTHING WIRELESS.
   BE THE ENVY OF EVERYONE.
   Elevate your lifestyle with wireless devices that put you on a digital pedestal. Choose from the best cutting-edge smartphones and tablets out there. And, with everything wireless on the network that has everything to offer, connect at the speeds your digital majesty deserves.

   As if that isn't enough, the four-page foldout brochure carries the title:
BE THE CENTER OF CONNECTION.
   I'm never buying another Verizon product again.

Let me draw a picture for you

www.rukhsanakhan.com

   Well, according to The New York Times, these are the best illustrated books for children this year. I don't think they come in any particular order and we also have to remember that the newspaper was also one of the main instigators of the war in Iraq.

   Children Make Terrible Pets — A young bear finds a lost boy and attempts to train him as a pet.

   Seasons — A French artist's images about the seasons, from a single green bud to a cloud shadow on a beach.

   Shadow —  In her family's attic, a girl’s shadow play comes to life.

   Big Red Lollipop — Rubina’s first American birthday party she’s ever attended is spoiled by her little sister.

   Henry in Love — A lovesick cat courts a winsome bunny.

   A Sick Day for Amos McGee — When a zookeeper comes down with a cold the animals travel to his home to take care of him.

   Subway — A celebration of New York's underground rail system.

   Bink & Gollie — A picture book about two friends, one cheerful, fearless and messy; the other skinny, precise and arrogant.

   Busing Brewster — In the early 1970s black siblings are bused to a new school.

   Here Comes the Garbage Barge! — A simple picture book about saving the planet, a environmental primer for young readers.
  No matter what the selections, I can still see my daughter's rapt attention when we read any Dr. Seuss book. The illustrations are captivating and the rhymes are divine.

It's more 'WTF' than 'Ni Hao'

  A popular Nick Jr. show, Ni Hao, Kai Lan, unfortunately has a few troubles.
   1) The show is missing the boat on subtitles and pronunciation guides. Maybe it's because some of the Chinese words sound like vulgarities in English (Shiiiiia, for instance). Still, It would help parents and children alike if we knew precisely what it was we're supposed to be saying and what it means.
   2) While stuffed toy versions of the show's characters can be found in toy stores, I know I'm not going to be purchasing one of Kai Lan's friends: Hoho.
   I don't care about what gender the little monkey is supposed to be (and it's not quite clear), I don't want my daughter cavorting closely with anything that remotely sounds like "prostitute."
   3) Without fail one of the characters, usually Hoho, throws a hissy fit until after much discussion the bruised ego is assuaged by talking out the problem.
   Our daughter has begun to mimic the hissy fit machinations, something we have had to sternly purge from her persona. As my wife acutely points out, no Chinese mother in her right mind would try this soft approach to bad behavior.
   Other than that, the cartoon teaches the importance of listening in order to understand how someone else might feel if they are left out or different or misunderstood.
   And again we have no parents in the cartoon [much like most of what's offered on children's TV], but Kai Lan's gentle grandfather, Ye Ye, often guides the little ones through rough patches and teaches them games and skills.