Licensed to lie, shame on you Dora

Photo by Max Zimmerman

   Okay, so far I cannot find anything negative written about Viacom International Toys, so buckle up.
   One would think that such a perceived reputable company would not produce absolute crap, but you would be wrong.
   Adding to the deception is none other than Nick, Jr., and the marketing gurus for Dora the Explorer.
   You see my daughter’s uncle so kindly purchased a set of Dora Walkie Talkies as a gift.
   Thrilled by the idea of chatting on a device endorsed by one of her favorite characters, we immediately opened the present, fed it the necessary batteries and were promptly rewarded with high-pitched, grating static.
   Odd, it seemed, but after careful inspection of the packaging I came to realize that my brother-in-law had unwittingly purchased an absolute piece of crapola.

Photo by Max Zimmerman

   If you cannot read the disclaimer to the right (which you cannot access until you open the package and look at the back of the walkie talkie) here it is:
   This device complies with part 15 of FCC Rules Operation is subject to the following two condition:[sic]
(1) this device may not cause harmful interference and (2) this deice must accept any interference received, including interference that may cause undesired operation.
   So, what this means is that this device will not work unless you are at either the North Pole or the South Pole {and maybe not even there either} because the device will receive any frequency floating through the air. So when you press the button to operate, out comes screeching, unintelligible static.
   Dora's Walkie Talkies DO NOT WORK; do not waste your money on it: Viacom is running a scam.

'Nothing's better than a letter'

WordWorld characters        www.pbs.org

   While there are a number of programs for kids devoted to learning, and a plethora created to entertain; there isn't one that offers the supreme combination of both aspects other than WordWorld on PBS.
   My now 4-year-old daughter has been demanding the animated classic for about six months and since then the little squealer's spelling and cognitive skills have blossomed.
   WordWorld teaches children (or adults learning the English language) how to spell words by using various approaches, including the pronunciation of letter combinations and vivid visualization. Equally important, it develops problem-solving skills by simply adding a letter here or there.
   In one episode, duck fills in for the mailman and is tasked with delivering three 'letters' to three eager recipients. Each character already has the same sequence of the letters: 'ail'.
   However duck — in his exuberant dimness — delivers an 'n,' an 's,' and a 'p' to the wrong addresses. Hilarity ensues. Bear needs the 's' to make a sail; frog needs an 'n' to create a nail; and sheep is desperate for a 'p' to make a pail.
   Another episode focuses on the 'st' combination to make 'stairs' in order to get onto a 'stage,' etc.
   While difficult to explain here, take a look at the attached photo and you can get the gist of what makes WordWorld so special: the letters are formed into an artistic rendering of the character, reinforcing the inherent importance of the letters. It's brilliant.
   It is the most entertaining format for learning I have found on TV and it underscores what Ni Hao Kai Lan, Dora the Explorer and Go!, Diego, Go! are missing: if you want to teach words — especially foreign words — you need to show the words; display the letters of the words, including accentuation and 'stress' effects, in order to deliver the maximum benefit. Think of how many adults might start watching these shows if they knew they could actually learn the words.

Thanks dad (and mom) for everything

design: skz    photo: maz

   When I was born (not in the US) my dad was a spy at the time (I'm told) and therefore he couldn't talk at all about his job.
   We didn't talk as much as we should have, fathers and sons are known for that, but because he served as a spy and such, we talked even less (except about sports). "My dad works on the base," was our family's given response. So I didn't grow up yearning to do what my dad did, because I didn't know what that was. I'm not complaining, but it certainly was a factor that inhibited a closeness to my dad during my youngest years.
  The older I have grown the more grateful I am each day to have had a dad — he was and still is — my hero. I learned more things about plumbing and mechanics and baseball and gardening and roofing and geopolitics than many a dude.
   For this I acquired my sense of right and wrong, or fairness, of hard work, of honor and patriotism.
   I could not have 'done it' without him; that is, I could not have survived the travails and setbacks without him.
   From my mother, she instilled me with the realities of hope and faith: two crucial rails to guide me when all seemed hopeless during my darker days.
   Now they are both gone, buried together in Arlington National Cemetery.
   Now I have no living heroes but realize, with a 4-year-old daughter, that I carry that responsibility of 'hero,' that I have to guide her; to allow her to make her own mistakes; to allow her to try new things; to (safely) test limits — they will become the basis of her understanding. (I wish the hell she would eat more, but I guess she takes after her dad.)
    The biggest mistake I ever made was not listening to my father; was not understanding when my mother told me to "slow down and smell the roses."
   My only hope is to establish that deep connection where my little one can tell me what her dreams are, what her fears are, what holds her back, what keeps her from reaching as high as she can. That work is up to me.
   I am so fortunate to be a dad.

She's all 'four' it

Photo from Catholic Answers Forum

  This morning when I went in to wake my daughter for school, she quickly shook off the awakening, looked at me and said, "What?"
  Not "What?" as in "What's going on?" or "What are we going to do today?" The intonation was more like, "What are you lookin' at, bud?"
   Ah, and she's just turned four (and yet can summon the attitude of a woman who's 24).
   Later in the morning, as fierce storms made driving her to school too dicey for her psyche [it was a terrific storm] I said to her, "Maybe this afternoon I'll take you to see the [preschool] Catholics."
  To which she laughingly responded, "No, dad, you mean catfish."
   Again, she's just turned four and yet the flashes of humor and observation reveal her unique take on how things work.
  As I'm sure every parent who's raised a 4-year-old child will tell you {and I am learning}, along with the cuteness and charm comes tantrums and rebellion and the attempts to work one parent off the other.
   I suppose it's a testament to the child's intelligence that she can find the fissures in what momma says [and allows] and what daddy says [and allows] and tries to work the inconsistencies to her advantage — it's only natural, I'm thinking.
   Clear communication can be tough enough in marriage. Add a child or two to the mix and I'm learning that repeated communication and boundary-setting are crucial to keeping the kid between the lines. Being on the same page can be difficult.
   It's examples like the one above which give me pause that I have only one child to keep track of — I cannot image trying to raise twins (or triplets!!) or being a single parent and having to do everything plus have the energy and enthusiasm for quality time with the light of your life.

The fraudulence of the Fresh Beats

nickjr.com

   First of all, the former Jumparounds aren't singing but lip-syncing their songs, however in the corporate manufacture of Ashlee Simpson and Britney Spears, who cares? Especially when you are dealing with small children, who cares how authentic the content is because it's all about presentation.
   Second, before they were foisted on us with a regular time slot, they were called The Jumparounds doing links between regularly scheduled programming prior to the inexplicable name change to The Fresh Beat Band. What changed? Did they fire their manager? Convert to Scientology? It's the same four kids; it's the exact same video footage and songs, they simply changed the name.
   Third, now they're billing this hobbled-together mish-mash of skits as a "hit show." Exactly how is that determined? A massive email and texting campaign from vacuous 4-year-olds? No, it's just some trumped up copy used to shill their stupid songs on iTunes.
   What we are witnessing is the creation of something out of nothing — what Hollywood does best. You take a black, a purported Hispanic and a couple of white kids — two boys, two girls — and market them as some type of musical geniuses.
   Each show barely differs from the previous one as the 'Freshbeats' recycle a half dozen songs through flimsy plots and even flimsier transitions.
   Of course our now 4-year-old daughter eats this up and it is the musical part she enjoys the most; I've yet to hear her talk about the individual characters of the show.
   That's just fine in my book. Hopefully she'll outgrow this infatuation as we continue to feed her different types of music and fend off the ubiquitous promos that pop up on Nick Jr.
   But while the show may have appeal to the little ones, its educational value is nearly zilch.

So you wanna be a dad?

Photo by Khairul Azfar Ahmad
thepatahtumbuh.blogspot.co  

   For those about to conceive you gotta ask yourself: Do I have enough time now to do what I want?
  Whatever it is that you've always enjoyed, you may never return to it because your days will become ruled by what needs to be done and what has to be done which are both quickly trumped by what must be done (attending to: screeching for no apparent reason; relentless teething angst; potty issues; bath/no bath debates; a vomiting episode here and there; etc.).
  So what daddyhood will demand from you is a whole new relationship with time.
  When you're single you have the greatest ability to master your world of time — whether to use it wisely or not, it's your choice; to linger or to fly; to spend it in solitude; huddle with a friend; or go brush up against the populous — time was yours, all yours, with the exception of your commitments to school or work.
  That ends when you enter daddyhood.
   Fighting for 'old time' can be a vainglorious effort as both mother and daughter need attention (especially when each of them is calling you from a different room).
  No; your time is given to this tiny creature — this new half of you. It seems the child determines what your schedule is and when 'your time' will be allotted. That time will be known to you as 'nap' time or 'collapse into bed' time.
   But while you may be sleep deprived for a few years, there's no greater joy or honor than to be called "daddy." There is no greater 'time' than that spent with your child. It's amazing, challenging, joyous, frustrating, awe-inspiring and frightening. It's no wonder sleep gets compromised, just don't say I didn't warn you.

'The princess and the pea-brain'

strangecosmos.com

   Much to my horror I was recently introduced to the "classic" fairy tale, "The Princess and the Pea," and I am nearly apoplectic.
   The premise of the tale is that men, or should I say princes, desire a woman that is soooo sensitive that she can have her evening's sleep ruined by a single pea buried 20 mattresses deep. Only a "true" princess is able to sense discomfort at that level because she has such sensitive skin. This is a somehow considered a virtue.
   This pearl of wisdom is deftly hidden by two other virtues mentioned in the story such as politeness to one and all and kindness to rich and poor.
   But the story is not entitled, The Princes and Her Good Nature, no, the true test of her princess-worthiness was her keen grasp of a tiny vegetable* and bedding.
   And the prince {sheesh} is (s)mothered to death by the overbearing queen and apparently unable to think for himself, so this pusillanimous ponce actually buys into the principle that an untalented, hypersensitive female is the most desired creature on Earth and to have her will make him complete ... as in complete idiot.
   I've always had trouble with "happily ever after" scenarios as I believe they set up children to be disappointed once they become adults.
   Much better to have the crap scared out of them by a gnarly old witch who will stuff them into an oven if they don't stay on the path. It's far more realistic and if it doesn't occur in the child's life she can always consider herself fortunate and happy just to be alive.

* my wife advises me that a pea is a legume and not a vegetable