Fashioning a conspiracy

Ah, were it only this easy

   Before I became a dad I was merely a dude. And as we dudes know as long as what you are wearing doesn't smell bad or isn't wrinkled too bad, you're fine.
   Now that I'm the father of a daughter and one who tends to get her dressed each morning I have discovered what all women face and, to my horror, it begins for them after they grow out of their baby clothes.
   It is the conspiracy of women's fashion.
  As both the mother of my child and I have found you cannot believe what any label tells you about a size —the girl simply has to try it on to see if it fits.
   And so it begins.
   For the rest of my daughter's life I know she is going to have to grab a couple of different sizes of each garment and trek into a fitting room to find out if a manufacturer has any clue as to her actual size.
   Possibly when she gets older it may get easier for her as — for now — she is tall and thin and as I understand it women's clothes are designed with that frame in mind and everyone else has to fend for themselves.
  It is incredible how much brand variance there is for my 5-year-old girl — even with socks. It ranges from size 4 to 6X.
  And I'm not even going to get into the fiasco that is footwear.
   Sigh

Something bugs me about this

'Somebuggy' is missing here

   For about a month our daughter was simply possessed by Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends which was fine but I was glad to see her let it go (or rather we let it go for her).
   Clever enough for "everybuggy," the Nick Jr. show has a warm message about adoption and adoptees and diversity.
   But there are a couple of things that always bugged me about the show.
   The first one is the recurring theme of the weak, clueless father figure. For at least a couple of decades, the gradual clubbing of the father as a dim, out of touch, near waste-of-space character has dominated television in both programming and commercial advertising.
   And here we have Holley (Holley??), "a songwriter and loves to play his guitar," and that's about all he's good for.
   He has a weak, wimpy voice, wears rounded spectacles, a beret and is much, much smaller than his wife. The other aspect which further diminishes the male spider is that the show is called Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends and not Mrs. Spider's Sunny Patch Friends. ¿Por qué?
   Holley is not even pictured in the promo photo.
   And while the show is all fuzzy and 'diverse,' other characters also reinforce stereotypes.
   A pushy, uncouth city bug (a cockroach, nudge, nudge) named Sweetie is blown by the wind into Sunny Patch. She, naturally, has a New Jersey accent.
   Similarly, a couple of ne'er-do-well brothers, Ned and Ted (red ants, wink, wink) have accents: Ned speaks with a Cockney accent, Ted has a New York accent. Interesting that two brothers have different accents. Again, ¿Por qué?
   Similarly, I have no clue if David Kirk, the author of the books, had these devices in his stories.
   I was just glad we let our daughter delouse herself from Sunny Patch and move on to something more palatable, such as Doc McStuffins.

The gang's all here

It can't be a party without a cake. SKZ

   Well, my daughter's list of imaginary friends has grown to six; quite the posse I would think. [it may be time to get her a 'd o g' even though we all know who would be stuck with the yuuuuuuuuuuuuk aspects of the animal.
   But the little one has acquired a diverse cast of characters which include Mr. Conductor from Dinosaur Train; Fido the Fly from The Upside Down Show; another creature named Fido (possibly a dog) and a couple more secondary runts to round out the entourage.
   So naturally with such a following, elaborate soirees can pop up at a moment's notice as well as parades, sleepovers and the inevitable faux disagreements and misunderstandings.
   The first thing she said when informed she was now five years old was : "No more four."
   Right. And she hasn't looked back ... and 14 is right around the corner.

The re-education of daddy

Each element at a tea party has a purpose.

   Now that my daughter's interests are becoming even keener, I have the opportunity to develop new interests and learn [or relearn] things I missed along the way.
   And it's interesting [but shouldn't be surprising] that the more rudimentary the elements are, the greater the imagination becomes. Let's face it; sometimes the box is more fascinating than the contents.
  She'll take her blocks and a number of other toys in order to construct some imaginary edifice. This is the 'stuff' of creation and I love to see it: to take seemingly incongruous elements and make something new and wonderful.
  And now that she has turned 5, the little one is 'becoming an expert' regarding the solar system, swamps, pirates, dinosaurs, trains, airplanes and constructing buildings. She creates elaborate stories with her small stuffed animals, detailing their personalities and needs.
   And isn't it ironic that there are times when I believe she is teaching me as much as I am teaching her; proof than one never, ever stops learning and that many of the things one thought they 'knew' are now often laughable.

Thumbs up for the action fingers

www.nickjr.com/the-upside-down-show

   You might not be familiar with The Upside Down Show and unless we stayed up way late a couple of times it would remain a mystery to our daughter.
   Initially, my wife and I thought it was a fairly absurd exercise: Monty Python for kids, was how the better half described it.
   But our daughter was enthralled and relentless pleas for "again, again" have turned us into fans of the program.
   Australians Shane Dundas and David Collins managed to crank out 13 frenetic episodes before producers backed away from the zany half-hour episodes. Previously known as The Umbilical Brothers, a physical comedy act, Shane, David and crew earned a 2007 Logie Award plus the Creative Craft Daytime Emmy Award for Main Title Design and a Parents' Choice Award Silver Honor for Television in the same year.
   The brilliance of the show is the ability of the guys to produce intricate stories out of practically nothing.
   My daughter's favorite secondary characters are Fido the Fly, a pet fly who lives behind a tiny door in apartment; and Action Fingers — Knuckles and Pointy, who perform a variety of two-digit skits.
   Set your TV to record the Nick Jr 11 and 11:30 p.m. time slots to pick up reruns of this jewel from Down Under.
   Absurd skits aside, the show is a huge vocabulary-builder and the physical flexibility to Shane and David make for some hilarious viewing.

A corker of a proper porker

www.btvision.bt.com/kids/peppa-pig

   One of the smartest Nick Jr. offerings out there has got to be Peppa Pig. If nothing else, it's teaching my daughter how to speak with an Oxford accent and 'peppa' her conversations with British phrases and references.
   What initially caught my attention about the show was the contrast of swine speaking proper English and displaying impeccable manners (except for the occasional snorts of exclamation).
   Aside from Mummy and Daddy Pig, Peppa has a younger brother George. But the show isn't just about pigs. All of Peppa's friends represent other species who also speak proper English: Rebecca Rabbit, Suzy Sheep, Danny Dog, Freddy Fox, Wendy Wolf and others. My favorite supporting ‘characters’ are the Zebra clan: Zoë Zebra, Mummy and siblings Zaza, Zuzu, Zack and Zarafa.
   We've also started to wander around Peppa's web site for more Brit wit.

Of noises and angels

www.talknangels.com

   My wife and mother of our offspring was near the little dear in the wee hours of the morning.
   Both snoozing peacefully, the child began to stir, awakening her vigilant mom.
  "Mom, what's that noise?"
   Mother noted that the furnace has just turned on.
  Waving off the explanation as a feeble attempt, our daughter said: "No, it's just an angel getting its wings."
   It's so thrilling to see our daughter's progression of learning patterns and how she creates language, construction projects, artwork and imaginative, spontaneous (yet very involved) dramatizations.
   We've been discussing the state of trees on our daily drive to school. As she observed that some of the trees needed a "haircut," I countered with the idea that what they really need is more a "leaf" cut.
  After a brief pause a chuckle became audible from the back seat. "Oh, daddy, you're so silly."
   Silly maybe, but now when she speaks of tree shearing she calls it a leaf cut.
   And so do I.